We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
