Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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