don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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