Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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