I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
