My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I want to fling myself into the sun
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
