i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
