yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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