I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
