It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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