there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
