i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
