It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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