Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
