I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
