your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
