I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
