Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
