Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
