A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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