Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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