i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
