3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
