I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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