I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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