Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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