Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
