you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
