this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
