sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
