i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
