she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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