yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
