Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
