I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
