Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm both gender and math confused
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
