I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
