Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
