It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
