why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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