I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
