please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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