i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
