the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
