Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
