i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
