I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
