Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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