He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
