First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Houston, we have a squirter
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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