Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
